A whole generation of gamers loves this dude. He is not very special. He got no superpowers. He is just a simple man. But he is like Silvester Stallone doping himself with steroids in the form of magic mushrooms. He is a smart guy like Al Pacino, but could never play the main role of Scarface. He got a brother, a man behind the man, a former shadow. Both have a simple job that requires them to help other people to flush their shit – pardon – their toilets again. Well, we got two italian-american actors, we know he got a brother, we know that both work as pipe cleaning shitmen. Who could they be?
Of course. It’s hiiim, Maaarioo and his tiny brother Luigi. True heroes for a whole generation of video gamers. My reasons for choosing Mario as most annoying character needs to be explained I guess, due the fact that almost everybody loves him.
Sure, he is a simple guy, an anybody. But he is not the only anybody having a challenge in video game history. There are lot of anybodies facing at first unbeatable challenges. For example the Hacker from System Shock, the only survivor on a space station infested with mutations and facing a cold and magnificent super computer. Or what about Conrad Hard fom Flashback? He lost his memory, wakes up in the middle of a jungle and needs to find his identity before he falls into a conspiracy of aliens that take over mankind. If you compare the duty of these two anybodies with Marios ongoing challenge to free a childish and naive princess, then you realize that his adventure is like driving a horse on a carousel.
Another reason for me to dislike that dude is the simple fact that I really sucked in platforming games. Today I’m agile enough to master jump and run situations or to eliminate enemies by jumping on their heads, but at the time when Mario entered the battlefield of gaming, I couldn’t even solve the easiest jumps without to fall and fail. A real thing that annoyed me on Mario is the fact that he always smiles and laughs. No matter how big or dangerous an enemy his. This dude makes it to smile and laugh while killing innocent boss monsters. I don’t know. Should an anybody not show his fear while fighting evil ugly monsters? Even if they look like happy Wald Disney figures?
But to me, the main reason to dislike Mario are the excessive brainwashed zombie fans. (No offense!) Adults that act like kids once they hear that a new Mario game comes out soon. Nostalgia is great! I would lie if I say that I don’t love to sink in nostalgia. But as someone that always only played video games with mature content and mature characters, it’s hard to understand why it’s so thrilling to wait for the release of a child game without depth. Super Mario is an average jump and run in a world of millions of other platformers that did better than the Mario Brother games did.
Maybe I’m too serious? Maybe I don’t enjoy life? Maybe I just hate fanatic fans? Maybe I am just cold or an idiot. But Super Mario annoys me more as watching an speaking orange on youtube. Even that orange got more personality as the heartless plumber with his bug housing nose beard.